I got my test results, and not only I passed, but I passed "with honors"...or something like that.
I should be jumping of happiness, and I did...when I found out I was histerical.
But later, I started thinking again all of those things that had troubled my mind way before I finished school.
When I chose my career I did it based on the things that I could do right with no trouble, and that also I actually enjoyed doing. But to tell you the truth, I never quite decided that this was going to be ME for the rest of my life.
Don't get me wrong, I like what I do, I love what I learned and what I'm still about to learn on my career. But I hate one thing: people's expectations.
Long before I graduated I always doubted whether or not I would succeed in this area, and even now I'm still not sure.
The awful thing is that now people see me one way, and they expect me to be THAT way and THAT way only.
I mean, to them I am an accountant now and will be for life.
To me is simple: I study something because I love to learn; I love what I learned, but that doesn't make me who I am.
Now that I've finished this period of my life I can only wonder: now what?
It sucks to think that I will not be able to do whatever I please, without my family or someone saying: "what? you spend all those years in school to end up like this?"
There are so many things I haven't done yet and that I might like to. Like being a waitress, for instance, or just a clerk in a godforsaken store...just for the hell of it.
But to society, so used to look down on things, I'd be just "that account that ended up as a waitress".
I remember that a while ago I told my mom that one day I would like to live in some town in Tuscany, just to see what it's like there. It wouldn't matter if I couldn't practice there, I wouldn't mind to be poor and just live by the day. Well you can imagine what she said if you know my mother, and if you don't, well let's just say she didn't like the idea.
I don't know if I'm explaining it right, or if I'm just sounding like a lazy girl that can't commit to something...but I know I'm not; all I'm trying to say is that I'm alive, and the great thing about being alive is the endless possibilities that there are.
I've been listening to Eddie Vedder's songs of the "Into the wild" soundtrack.
They just got to me in the precise moment I guess.
1 comentario:
Se exactamente de lo q estas hablando, para la gente que nos rodea menos nosostros mismos, es un momento muy importante y sienten felicidad al poder ponernos la etiqueta de CONTADORES, la gente muy seguido me saluda ahora diciendome señorita contadora, o colega o cosas por el estilo, porque estan felices por nosotros. En cambio, me siento igual que tu, es una excelente noticia que hayamos pasado el examen y ...con honores,pero me pregunto, hubiera preferido no pasarlo ? para asi tener una excusa de porq no soy TAN buena en esto como todos creen, porque ahora las expectativas de otros crecen aun mas y eso presiona NOW WHAT?
Se supone que empieza el resto de mi vida?. me imagino que la gente llega a una edad o momento en que se RESIGNA y acepta las cosas tal cual son, el trabajo que tienen, la vida que tienen y se vuelve el resto de la vida, el comienzo del final, y luego DEREPENTE recuerdan todas aquellas cosas que alguna vez soñaron con hacer, YO estoy en un dilema tengo tantas ideas extravagantes en mi cabeza que me gustaria hacer, no tengo la posibilidad economica para hacerlas todas, pero si las ganas, la ilusion y por otro lado SE que debo aplicarme en el trabajo, que aunq no me guste la paga ni los malos tratos me servira para sentar bases y tener la experiencia para entonces si dios quiere obtener un trabajo chido que me haga estar tranquila en ese aspecto por el resto de mi vida, es una decision dificil, pero siempre lo he dicho, hay que sacrificar , al rato vendran las recompensas, no se que tanto debemos sacrificar, supongo que eso depende d cada uno, pero estaria grandioso, vivir un poco de todo por un rato y luego asi comenzar con muchas historias que contar,... EL RESTO DE NUESTRA VIDA
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